Elle Me Dit

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The Prince(ss) Bride (1/2)

Pairing: Kurt/Blaine, background Blaine/Sebastian

Rating: PG

Note: some dialogue used (close to) verbatim from the film of The Princess Bride.

* * *

Blaine grew up on a small farm in the country of Florin.  His favorite pastimes were riding his horse and tormenting the farm boy that lived there.  His name was Kurt, but Blaine never called him that.Nothing gave Blaine as much pleasure as ordering Kurt around.  “Farm boy, polish my horse’s saddle,” he said, voice high and supercilious.  “I want to see my face shining in it by morning.”

All Kurt ever said in response was “As you wish,” and as the months passed, Blaine came to realize that what Kurt meant was, of course, I love you.  And what was amazing was the day that Blaine realized that he loved Kurt back.

But Kurt had no money for marriage, and so he set off across the sea to seek his fortune.  When the news came that his ship had captured by the Dread Pirate Dalton, who never left captives alive, Blaine shut himself up in his room and did not speak for days. 

* * *

Five years later, Sebastian, the crown prince of Florin, sought a husband of surpassing handsomeness and faithfulness.  After a long search, he came upon Blaine, still living on the farm, but now having to saddle his own horses. 

Prince Sebastian was immediately enamored of Blaine’s soft curls (as hair gel did not exist in Florin) and wide eyes— he would be entirely endearing to the people, and the perfect sort of fiance to kill just before the wedding.  Prince Sebastian’s favorite entertainment was warfare, you see, and sending the country into a violent struggle due to poor murdered Blaine was exactly what he desired.  And perhaps it would have been better for Blaine as well, he reasoned, considering that even on moving into the palace and being provided with fabulous clothing and a new horse, Blaine still yearned after his lost love.

So he arranged with Jesse, a conniving agent de guerre from Sicily, and his two compatriots, Finn (a giant whose prowess was known throughout the land) and Santana (a swordswoman skilled in a variety of deadly styles), to take care of his delightful fiance.  Things were proceeding precisely as Prince Sebastian had planned.

* * *

Blaine’s only comfort in the days before the wedding was his daily ride.  On one of the last days of autumn, he rode out to the coast to try to catch one last glimpse of the sea that had taken his true love.

On this day, though, he was stopped by a man whose hair sort of reminded him of his own, a giant, and a woman who looked like she’d bitten into a lemon.  He was startled by the interruption of his routine, and his trepidation grew when the giant approached.  Blaine started to raise a hand to ward him off, but the giant pinched the back of his neck, and Blaine fainted, toppling off of his horse and into the waiting arms of the giant.

He awoke several hours later on a boat.  This wouldn’t have been much of a problem, but Blaine’s hands and feet were tied and the three people who had stopped him were discussing how best to kill him.  So it wasn’t really the best way to wake up.  Somewhat ridiculously, Blaine had faith in his fiance, Prince Sebastian— after all, hadn’t the man gone through the trouble of ennobling Blaine, just so the two of them could marry?  Never mind the fact that Blaine didn’t really have feelings for his fiance (those would surely come in time), but someone must be coming to rescue him.

But on the other hand, Blaine had always fancied himself at least a little bit competent at taking care of himself, so as soon as he got his hands and feet free (easier than it first seemed!), he jumped over the side of the boat.  They couldn’t be too far from land, surely!

After the mess with the shrieking eels, though, Blaine was more than happy to reach dry land the next morning.  Being pulled up the rope by the giant was more than a little terrifying, though, and Blaine would have much rather stayed and tried his luck with whoever had been following them since the middle of the night.  When he tried to mention as much to the curly-haired man (whose name was Jesse, apparently, and seemed to spend more time arguing with the other two than he did threatening Blaine).

Jesse pulled Blaine along, leaving the sour-faced woman to deal with the mysterious man in black.  He was torn, because he didn’t know whether to cheer for Jesse’s accomplice or for the unknown man— he knew that one led to his certain death, but he had no idea what the man in black wanted with him.

They ran and they ran, over hills and rocks, jumping tree branches and leaping across streams.  Jesse’s hand was strong on Blaine’s wrist, pulling him behind.  Jesse glimpsed the man in black on the horizon after they’d been running for nearly half an hour, so they left Finn-the-giant at some boulders with strict orders to dispatch of him as quickly as possible.

Aside from the occasional crash of rock-on-rock, Blaine heard nothing but the harsh panting of his own breath, until finally Jesse called a halt at a small dip between two hills.  He pushed Blaine down onto a log, and then proceeded, oddly, to set out lunch.  But he did not permit Blaine to eat, nor did he offer his captive water.

Blaine finally saw— or, well, heard, as Jesse had tied a blindfold tightly around his eyes— the beginnings of Jesse’s plan when someone (presumably the man in black) came running over the hill that Blaine was facing.  “Stay still and stay silent,” Jesse warned Blaine quietly, “and I might let you live for longer than the next five minutes.”

Blaine was about to ask when he felt cold steel pressed against his throat; evidently Jesse had means to back up his threat.  He listened but could not speak as Jesse challenged the other man to a battle of wits, the two of them bantering back and forth. 

At the man in black’s first words, though, Blaine sucked in a breath and hardly took another.

The man in black sounded like Kurt.

He sounded like Kurt, and a wave of grief so strong it nearly choked him rose up in his throat, because he would not— he could not believe that this man, this brigand, had the voice of the man he loved.

Blaine couldn’t pay attention to the battle of wits taking place in front of him, because every word spoken by the man in black drove the pain just a bit deeper into his heart.  Even the relief he gained when Jesse put down the knife was short-lived as the man in black kept talking, ruining everything Blaine had built back up with his perfect voice.

He imagined the man’s smirk; he imagined where he must have learned to talk so much like Kurt.  It was no secret in Florin that Blaine had a lost love— Sebastian had sent out bards to tell the story of Blaine and Kurt to win his people’s sympathy— and so the man in black must have come to taunt Blaine and perhaps prove a point about the safety and security of the soon-to-be co-crown prince of Florin.  Because the Dread Pirate Dalton never took prisoners, and Kurt has been dead these long five years.

The man in black was the Dread Pirate Dalton.

* * *

The Dread Pirate Dalton left Jesse still and lifeless on the ground and slipped Blaine’s blindfold off with careful fingers.  His hands were rough with calluses against Blaine’s face, and he pulled Blaine to his feet. 

They were running again, and Blaine wished that he’d taken a moment to eat or drink something before the Dread Pirate Dalton snatched him up again.   He could not imagine a reason the the man to have taken him from the three who clearly wanted him dead, but he had no faith that now, as a captive of the Dread Pirate Dalton, he would be left alive.

Finally, the pirate threw him against a tall rock, and Blaine caught himself before he could bruise too badly.  “Catch your breath,” the Dread Pirate Dalton said. 

Blaine’s only hope lay now in keeping himself alive until Prince Sebastian found him again.  “If you release me, whatever you ask for ransom, you’ll get it, I promise.”  He knew that it was wild to promise the Dread Pirate Dalton anything— the man must have been promised things far greater than a prince’s ransom.

The Dread Pirate Dalton laughed, and Blaine’s heart sank.  “And what are your promises worth, your highness?” he spat.  “I have heard the story of you and your poor lost love.  Do you believe that any promise you make to me is worth the breath you use to speak it?”

"I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream,” Blaine hissed, bringing his face in close.  He could not see the man’s face through his mask, but the quirk of his lips was so like Kurt’s that it was all Blaine could do to keep from hitting him across the face.  “I know who you are— you’re the Dread Pirate Dalton, admit it!”

"With pride," the Dread Pirate replied, smiling (the way that Kurt had smiled at Blaine, sometimes, and he hates that his heart aches to see that smile.)  “Now, what can I do for you?”

"You can die slowly, eaten alive by the Shrieking Eels," Blaine said.  His recent experience was sticking with him.

"Such vehemence," the Dread Pirate Dalton said.  "What have I done to earn your ire?"

"You killed my love," Blaine said, infusing the words with all of the hate that he had for this man, who was the entire reason that Kurt was dead and gone, but who sounded and looked so much like him.

"It’s possible," the Dread Pirate Dalton admitted.  "I kill a lot of people.  And this love of yours— what was he?  Another prince like your priggish fiance?"

"No," Blaine said.  "No, his name was— his name was Kurt, and he was a farm boy.  He was mine, and he was perfect."

"Well, I can hardly blame you for marrying up," the Dread Pirate Dalton said, shrugging.  "But I think I remember this farm boy of yours.  This would have been what, three years ago?"

"Five," Blaine said tonelessly.

"He died well— that should please you.  He just looked up and me and said ‘Please.  Please, I need to live.’"  The Dread Pirate Dalton paused, as if considering how to continue his story.  "I remember the please.  When I asked him what was so important, he simply said ‘true love,’ and he spoke of a man of such wit and faithfulness.   I can only assume that he meant you— you should be glad that I killed him before he found out what you really are.” 

There was a sneer stretched across the Dread Pirate Dalton’s face, and Blaine had to restrain himself once more from hitting him or pushing off of the hilltop.  “And what am I?” he seethed, wondering what

Faithfulness— he spoke of your enduing faithfulness— when you found out he was gone did you get engaged to your prince the same day, or did you wait a whole week out of respect for the dead?”  There was such fury in the man’s eyes that Blaine could scarcely fathom it— after all, he’d done no harm to this man. 

But he could no longer bear to be mocked so— did the man in black not see his pain?  Did he not hear the agony in Blaine’s voice when he spoke of Kurt, speaking so carelessly of how Kurt had died?  “I died that day,” Blaine nearly shouts.

There was a clatter of hooves, and a long string of horses appeared on a hilltop— it must be Prince Sebastian, here to rescue him. But Blaine was sick of waiting for Prince Sebastian to rescue him, and he saw that the sound had distracted the Dread Pirate Dalton for one critical moment.  “You can die too, for all I care,” he hissed, and he shoved the Dread Pirate Dalton down the steep, steep hill.

As the Dread Pirate Dalton tumbled down the hill, hands smacking against rocks and his mask slipping off his head, he cried, voice echoing off the hillside, “As you wish.”